so right now i am home for spring break and a lot has changed since i have last written.

lacrosse isn't going very well at all. we're currently 0-3, and the girls can't seem to get motivated at all. its frustrating. they want to make us varsity, but if we can't even commit to going to practice now, how will we survive? we went up to boston last weekend to play at Boston College, and we lost to them by like 1 in the fall. they absolutely killed us this time. it was ridiculous. it was freezing and rainy the whole time. the only highlight was that brian came to see me play. that meant a lot. on the way back, we stopped by UConn and just drank ourselves retarded on the way home.

before i left for spring break #2, things were rough at school. my roommate was hospitalized friday night for alcohol poisoning and almost died. i didn't go out so i didn't have an idea until i got a call from the hospital at 6 AM. it was one of the scariest things to ever happen to me. it just didn't seem real. i don't understand how she could have done to herself what she did. and it scares me taht she doesn't really realize the severity of it all. i am really concerned for her, and have talked to mariel about it a lot. i tried talking to her about it, but she just doesn't get it.

the semester is winding down. i have 12 more days of class once i get back, and then 3 days of finals. i can't wait to be home.  i'm just not having very much fun this semester. i don't know what it is. it could be teh fact that i hardly have any free time. although i only have class from 8:30-12:45 every day, my time is always so filled. if im not doing homework, im at lacrosse or abercrombie (which i hate), and while everyone is out, im always stuck in doing something. its also really hard not having jeff there. 

sometimes i don't think he realizes how much i miss him. there are seriously nights when i wanna just cry myself to sleep because it hurts so much not being with him. i see all these other couples at fordham together and i get so jealous. i would give anything to be able to see jeff every single day, or even every other day. i know distance is supposed to make you stronger but it is just so hard. we argue a lot more now. we both get so stressed out and take it out on each other. we're both so stubborn and set in our own ways, and we just snap at each other when things aren't going so well. i hate that. its never like that when we're together. atleast when we're together we debate and not really argue.  we know how to push each others buttons, and sometimes i think we each get joy out of it. i just can't wait for it to be summer when we won't have to argue as much or be as stressed out. i miss the two of us just being so carefree.

i've got to see him a decent amount this break. i went to pick him up at UConn on thursday. i had huge butterflies going to get him because i hadn't seen him in a month. i was just so excited... and then we stopped at barnes and noble and looked at some books together, got into one of our little debates, and then out to dinner. i love going out to dinner with him. my conversations with him are some of the most interesting ones that i have. i love how we can have real talks like that. i'm used to dating people who have a hard time putting two complete senses together, let alone say something intelligent. i love how we can talk about bigger issues and actually somewhat understand where the other is coming from. i'm not used to that. afterwards, we went back to his house and watched tv together and cuddled on his couch. i've also missed that so much. its just nice having someone hold you. friday we hung out in the late afternoon after i ran errands during the day, and we went out to dinner again. afterwards we just went bowling with his friends, and it was a really good time.  i really do have so much fun doing random things with him.  today things have been quite different. His grandmother passed away this afternoon, and i am not even really sure what to say to him. i want to be there for him, and be as supportive as i can, but its just hard to know how.  this is such a hard time for him and i just wish there was something else i could do for him. i wish there was some way i could just take all of his pain away. it's so hard hearing him so upset and knowing that there is absolutely nothing in your power that you can do to fix it. i just want to be there for him and able to give him exactly what he needs right now.

i know this post has been going on forever, but i've just been doing a lot of thinking, so whoever actually does read this, bear with me. i went to masters on wednesday to help out with lacrosse, as i like to do. and as i was walking through the halls i realized how much i've changed since then. back when i was in high school, i thought i had it all together. my little sheltered life seemed so perfect. its amazing what you realize once you get out of those bubbles.  i've realized that 99.9% of the things i did weren't good for me at all, and were so destructive. i was so self centered and selfish that i never realized what i actually had. i settled for things that i never should have settled for. i dated people who just used me, and i was just too oblivious to even notice. looking back, i never had a boyfriend who treated me well or the way i should have been treated. and i just let them. i told jeff last night that i wish i had known him in high school, and i sincerely meant it. if i had known him then, i would have known what i deserved. i would have realized what really matters in life. i always thought i was so tough back then, and looking back, i never had a backbone when it came to things that actually mattered. the only thing i would have stuck up for back then was my friends. its crazy how much drama revolved around that place, and how ridiculous it all seems now. i had the best friends in the world, and i never would have changed that, but i think sometimes i should have put myself first.  and even though that sounds like the more selfish path to take, it isn't. hmm.. i think that i've been thinking far too much lately. i've changed my view on so many things. one of the few things i haven't changed my mind about is jeff. i konw that i want to be with him. and i know in the future, he is the only one i want to be with. i remember after that first night we went out together that i thought to myself, "hmm this is the person i'm supposed to marry." and as crazy as that may seem, i really believe that. i believe now more than ever that there is this one person everyone is supposed to be with, and i just feel really lucky to have discovered that at only 20.  everything has just fallen into place, and i love that. it just makes it so clear that there is a plan for everyone, and taht everything happens for a reason. and I suppose that Easter weekend is a good time to come to those strong conclusions.

wow i really haven't updated in a while. there isn't all that much going on either.

abercrombie has been ridiculous. i've been working almost every day. i dont really like it there. the people aren't friendly at all, and a lot of my co workers are just flat out rude. i miss gap. its really easy work, as retail always is, but still... im not a fan. i only have like 3 more weeks there.  and we get new clothes friday so that's exciting too. 

lacrosse has been good. our team is looking excellent. we have a big game this weekend too against princeton. im really nervous for it. we are missing 3 of our starters because they're abroad. we only have 1 senior and 1 junior playing. but that's ok because our younger players are better anyway. there is a lot of talk about us going division 1 next year. the guys are going to go varsity with us too. we're all really excited about it. it may not happen next year, but it should be in effect by my senior year. i'm excited for it.  we're such a talented team and its about time they start recognizing that. we beat a lot of really good schools already, and we have so much potential. i just hope it all works out.

the housing lottery has been a nightmare. we got locked out of walsh :( i was really looking forward to living with claire, linds, and rachael. i miss them so much, and i feel like i never see them. i'm not thrilled about next year's triple. at all. roxy isn't either. the lottery for finlay is today, and i really have no idea what's going to happen.  its going to be interesting, to say the least.

classes have been going realyl well. i found out that i don't really have a lot of finals, which is good. that means i get to go home earlier, i think, and then just commute like i did last year. i'm looking forward to easter break. i have a week off. during that week i have to go talk to people at Gap about coming back, talk to camp about what the deal is, and go and talk to the doctor about my wisdom teeth. i am not looking forward to that AT ALL.  blahh

other than the above, there really isn't much else going on in my life. i miss jeff as usual, and im not going to see him until easter. i hate that. i've missed him so much lately and i wish there was something i could do about it. plus he's been really stressed out and i worry about him. ohwell... there isn't anything i can do. well now its time for me to go get ready for the next housing lottery, clean up our room, and figure stuff out for lacrosse.

So i haven't updated in a while. It's probably about time i do. Things here have been really good. I love my job, the people are really nice, and its nice having to go into the city for work. Up here things have been good as well. Roxy and I are doing this fashion show for the Make A Wish Foundation, and i'm really excited for it. I like how i'm diong something I love and its for a good cause. Speaking of things I love, lacrosse officially starts inan hour! I'm so excited. I think we have another huge tournament or two coming up, and I can't wait to go and play again. I think we're playing up at Syracuse against Cornell, Villanova, and a few other good schools again. I must say i'm very excited. I just hope this year's tournament isn't the disaster that last years was with the snow and lack of players and what not.

Beth is back in the city this weekend. apparently she was on campus last night and that really freaks me out. That girl is a nutcase and I don't like the thought that she's just around here. It's been so awkward lately. Its like teh RA's in this building look at us different because of who she is. it sucks. Atleast next year's housing situation is better. I'll hopefully be living in a 6 person apartment in Walsh with Claire, Roxy, Rachael, Lindsay, and Jenna. Jenna isn't particularly thrilled about it, and has thrown many hissy fits about it. i am very excited though. I have # 661 out of 10,000 so i think we have a good shot at getting it. I deserve good housing after this year. and atleast my future roommates will not have chronic sex and substance abuse problems. so im excited

on the jeff front, things are better than ever. i've had a really hard time being away from him this semester. I haven't seen him in three weeks, and that's really hard. christmas break was such a tease. we got so much closer, and i spent almost all of my time with him. and i miss it so much. a lot of nights i can't sleep and its pretty much all i think about. im really looking forward to summer with him, and to our future. the more time i spend with him, the happier i am. i really love how we balance each other out. i've been so worried about him lately. he's been really stressed out, and i hate that there isn't anything i can do. it would be so much easier if i could be closer to him so i could help him more. but that won't happen for a long time.

nothing else is really going on in my life. oh yeah, ms. gehrkens has a private investigator following me around. really cool. other than that, life is really good. now its time for me to go get ready for lacrosse and eat some lunch!

my job search is finally over!

I am currently employed at Abercrombie and Fitch on 5th avenue...

and next semester, i have a job waiting for me with Congressman Rangel...

life is looking better

wow, i haven't updated this in so long... so much has happened.

im back at school now, minus one roommate. one of my roommates is at home dealing with substance abuse problems. she's been telling everyone that she hates us and that we ruined her life. hopefully someday she'll understand. things here have been especially awkward because of the whole situation. roxy and i are constantly worried that something bad will happen.

my boss gave away my job. she claims she didn't know when i was coming back. i ended up emailing her explaining my position, and she apologized and explained how wrong she was. so i've been on a crazy job search with no luck. i applied to be a congressional intern and still havent heard back yet. i've applied for like a million things but none of them work with my hours.

i've also been horribly sick since i've been at school. i havent been able tog et out of bed since saturday, and i haven't felt this sick in so long. im so happy im giong home this weekend. roxy is sick too so the two of us have been miserable. it hasn't been a good week at all.

on top of all of that, i miss jeff like crazy. im going out of my mind without him. i find myself always thinking about him, and always thinking about how much i miss him. i get to see him this weekend, thank God, because these past two weeks have been hell.  i miss him so much, and its just getting harder and harder to be away from each other. i know we're only two hours away, but it feels like thousands of miles instead of a mere 100.i hate it.

so thats whats going on with me. i suppose i'll write more when i have time

well happy new year everyone

the past week or so has been insanely busy. i've had to work every day, and its just been not so fun. since i've last updated i haven't done all that much. I went to the UConn game with Jeff the other night, and that was actually really fun. i have such a good time with him, and i love how we do random things like that. we had such a good time together. then i worked the rest of the days. on saturday, things were interesting. as of 8, jeff and i had absolutely no plans. it was snowing like crazy out. so we went out to dinner together and came back to his house. and then his friends called and told us to come to this party. so we go over, and its snowing like crazy. we ended up playing lots of beer pong, and flip cup, and we had fun. then the girls and i decided taht sledding was the best idea to waste time until midnight, so we did.. we all ended up soaking wet and freezing... and by some miracle we didn't die. then at midnight we had a champagne toast, and it was cute.  we went back to jeff's afterwards, and i ended up home later on that night.

yesterday i was planning on just sleeping in, but that obviously didn't happen. i got called into work and wasn't too happy about it. i went in for like 5 hours, and then went to jeff's. i had a new years dinner with his family, and then he and i got to spend some good quality time together.  then this morning i had to wake up early again to bring my sister to school. otnight we're supposed to get a huge snowstorm, so i don't think i'll really be leaving today. wednesday we're planning a little brdc party... should be interesting. kristen and i came up with the idea at like midnight last night.  and on thursday, roxy and mariel are coming to stay with me :) yayy!

only two more weeks with jeff though... that makes me sad. i just want to spend every moment with him. i'm already dreading going back and leaving him. its amazing what an impact one person can have on you... ok enough rambling.. im gonna go crash on the couch

tonight was so fun... i went out with erin, jordan, and warren. it was one of the best nights i've had in a long time. it felt like we were still in high school... we didn't even accomplish that much tonight, but it was amazing....

sometimes i really miss it

well Merry Christmas everyone!

this christmas was especially good this year. i think its because im finally 100% happy with everything in my life. this week has been exceptionally crazy. i've worked a ridiculous amount of hours, and i've still been able to find time to hang out with jeff every day. that makes me really happy. im just so tired out though by the end of the day. like the other night i went to jeff's after work, and just curled up in his lap and pretty much fell asleep.

nothing too eventful has happened this week. we went to kyle's christmas party on thursday night. it was actually really fun. jeff's friends are so nice, and i had such a good time with all of them. that day jeff and i also made cookies and brownies for the party and had a really good day together. i love those sorts of days.

other than that, i've sold my soul to the gap. its been good though. i've thoroughly enjoyed it. ia ctually really like working there, and im glad to be back. i get to see lots of people that i know, and i get to make a lot of new friends at work. plus all of my friends from the summer are back, so it makes being there even better. and people reading this who live near avon, im working every day this week so come visit me!

now onto christmas.... jeff and i did christmas together on christmas eve because i had to work. we woke up extremely early and went out to breakfast together. it was our first real breakfast ever together, and we had a really good time. afterwards, we went back to his house to open christmas presents. it was so cute. he turned on christmas music, and we opened our presents by the christmas tree. apparently we set a very high precedent for holidays. our spending and gift giving was a bit ridiculous. i ended up getting him a complete outfit, and got him like 8 things. and he got me the pink burberry scarf, which i love, and a matching polo from lacoste. he knows me too well. everything was perfect that morning... until i had to go back to work at 11. today i went to aunt rose's house like i do every year. it was good. i love how my family is so loud and obnoxious. its actually really funny. it makes me laugh every time.

so now its time for me to go to bed because ihave to be at work at 9.. .but happy holidays everyone!

im home... finally... im so hapy that i don't have to go back to school for a month. grades are being posted today. somehow i managed to get a B in French, which is the hardest class i have ever taken. Apparently, I got an A on the final, which in itself is a miracle.  so im happy. now ijust have to wait for the rest of my grades. but so far, major improvement for french from last year. and this means, i never have to take a french class again. and my history professor emailed me and told me he gave me an A- on a paper which is 40% of my grade. that's also pretty exciting. so today has been a good day thus far.

last night i went to the mall with steve. it was fun. i got to spend much quality time with chris so that made me pretty happy. im working tonight from 5-10:30, which sucks, but oh well. so if any of you feel like coming to Gap to visit me, i'd be happy. today im going to lunch with jeff, and running some errands before I go to work. so that's whats going on with me! tomorrow I have the day off and get to go to Kyle's christmas party :) i am quite excited about that. after that, i've pretty much sold my soul to the Gap.

2 more exams to go...

i can't wait to come. i have a final at 1:30, and another one on tuesday at 1:30. right now, im worried about the transit strike, and im trying to figure out how that will affect things for the next few days... there is just so much going on in new york right now to distract me....

i'm coming home this weekend.. and glassman is coming to CT so im excited. atleast that gives me something to look forward to!

this birthday weekend has been amazing. yesterday i picked jeff up at port authority and we came back to my room. we went to the caf, came back, and then he gave me my birthday gift. he gave me the open heart necklace from tiffanys. i love it. afterwards, we took the subway into the city. surprisingly enough, he enjoyed the bronx. he thought it was funny how rap music is blaring in every store and what not. it was funny. so we got downtown, and walked through central park for a few minutes. then we walked by the plaza, and watched these funny guys doing this presentation. they ended up taking me as a volunteer for their demonstration which was hysterical. afterwards, we walked down fifth ave and stopped at Tiffany's and Trump tower. after we did that, we went into st. patrick's cathedral, which is where i someday want to get married. after that, we went into Saks, looked at random things, and then started to walk towards times square.

it was really cold so we decided to just take the subway to 34th street and head towards madison square garden. we ended up in the manhattan mall, and were really confused. we desperately tried to find a good restaurant and failed miserably. we ended up at this pizza place and it ended up being really good. afterwards, we went back to the mall to get warm, and then we went over to madison square garden. it was packed! we waited until we were able to go in, and just walked around for a bit. we sat down at our seats around 7, and it worked out so well. our seats were really good, and we had a perfect view of the stage. we got nachos, and just relaxed until the show started. when it started it was absolutely amazing... I heard my favorite song of all time, #41, for the first time live. i think i can now die happy. it was an absolutely unbelievable concert, and words cant even describe it. i saw liz while i was there, and that made me happy. we got out of there around midnight, and met up with robyn and her boyfriend to go back to campus. we took the subway back,and got back to the room about 1. i fell asleep immediately, and was so happy to cuddle with jeff all night. apart from #41, it was my favorite part of the weekend. we woke up around 9, and watched tv together. then we met up with mariel and went to lunch. it was funny. they got along well so that made me happy.

i brought jeff back to port authority at noon. it was so sad. we took the subway down to port authority so jeff could catch the 2:00 bus back to hartford. i waited with him until he left, and saying goodbye was so hard. we said goodbye, and as i walked away, i started to cry. it was really sad. i know im giong to see him in five days but its still so hard. i hate saying goodbye after great weekends together. i just have such a hard time saying goodbye. i really love him so much,and i feel so happy and complete being with him. he balances me out, and i love that about him... i've been so sad all afternoon without him. atleast i get a whole month with him.. starting very soon!

tonight im giong to dinner at mariels with roxy. it should be fun.... i figured we shoudl do something on my actual birthday... im so tired out from dave matthews... right now, the most fun thing to do seems like it would be sleeping

ahh i am so excited for tonight! jeff is here and we're going to dave matthews at madison square garden. i can't wait!! he also just gave me my birthday gift... i love it! he got me the classic tiffany's heart necklace. i love it so much... its so perfect. im so excited for tonight. i've been waiting all year for him to come and visit me. im so glad that i have a boyfriend who actually cares a lot about me, and is willing to come down during finals to be with me on my birthday. i really love him so much.

more to come tomorrow...